Did you poison me?!

Larry: That chicken chili your mom made was damn good. Is there any more?

Val: I'm full. Do you want the rest of mine?

L: Well, I don't know. Your cooties are in it. Why don't you want the rest?

V: I'm full.

L: DID YOU POISON ME?!

V: What?

L: Yea, okay, I'll take it. Thanks.

The first thing Larry said to me this morning...

"I'm still phlegmy. Isn't that a great word--'phlemgy'? You know why I like it? There are two surprises... the 'ph' and the 'g.' I think it's my favorite word. Because of the surprises, not because of the substance itself."

We do hungry, and we do it well

Best logo ever, courtesy of Exeter Family Restaurant:


"Who ordered the monty?"

Quote of the day

Courtesy of my mother:

"Do you know how embarrassing it is to watch homosexual sex with your 86-year-old mother? Your Aunt Janny brought a movie about trannies. Javier Bardem is in it. I can't do it. I'm taking a nap. If you want to watch sex scenes with your grandmother, head down to the sunroom."

A collection of Thanksgiving gchats...

me: i just caught my mom talking to herself
she was upstairs, the rest of us were downstairs
Melissa: what did she say?
me: "it doesn't even smell like turkey. it smells like ham"
not even in a whisper
in full-blown conversation tone
i yelled up, "MOM?! Who are you talking to?"
She said, "ohhhh... myself. is that weird? i guess it is..."
Melissa: haha! sandy!
me: just sittin' around, talking to herself about ham smells
Melissa: just another thursday!!

me: go for a goal: a double chin
Melissa: yes i'm gonna wear the baggy pants
me: oh hell yes
Melissa: imagine SMOKING before thanksgiving
me: HAHAHA
Melissa: that would end badly
me: my hippie aunt is here. I bet she's stoned
Melissa: why is melissa in a coma on the floor???
me: a little smokin', some serious food, a little Tekken 3, NAP
Melissa: give some to your grandma, she'll really open up
me: haha she doesn't need any weed, just a little vodka
which is bound to happen by 3pm

That was a good one

Larry just came behind my desk (I typically ban him from stepping back here, or anywhere within four feet of me), put his clammy hand on top of mine, and cracked the hell out of my knuckles. I SCREAMED, and he yelled "Yeahhhhh!" like a frat boy and then pumped his fist in the air and squealed, "That was a good one!"

Mom be clubbin'

I just remembered my favorite thing Cierra said yesterday:

"Your mom is pretty and fun. I bet she'd have a good time at the club."