Pac Man nip

[Original message]

From: Val

To: Rachel

Sent: Thu, Feb 25, 2010 3:37 pm

Subject: Pac man bookcase

Think you'd get a kick out of this...

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[Reply message]

From: Rachel

To: Val

Sent: Fri, Feb 26, 2010 3:05 pm

Subject: Pac man bookcase

HA! Looks just like the tattoo on Bri's old roommate's nipple...

A lesson in dramatics

me: something painful is happening with my foot today

brb

(i like to leave on a dramatic note)

Melissa: hhaa

yeah, brb, i'm gonna go amputate

3:03 PM me: brb im giving birth

Melissa: HAHAHA

Blue-Steel-Off

Rach, the Blue-Steel-Off is ON.

OF COURSE Rachel and I would both already have pics of ourselves blue steel-ing it. Ty-pi-cal.

Zoolander: The Sequel

Want some good news on this snowy day? I've got it for ya... right HERE.

Anyone up for a break-dance fight?

Badname's wife strikes again

Courtesy of Mel's MOTHER-IN-LAW, Carol.

Carnelia: Unstapled

Melissa: oh, speaking of gross

Carnie wilson's new tv show's name?

5:18 PM Unstapled

me: HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA

Melissa: yeah let that one settle

me: that is truly upsetting

5:19 PM me: CARNIE

why name your kid after something with such a negative connotation?

being a CARNY

Melissa: is her name actually Carnation or something?

me: Carnelia?

Alf's cat sandwich

Courtesy of Marcus, the German exchange student from high school. Random?

Black Dynamite

Everyone should add this to their Netflix queue immediately.

A delicate art

Photobombing is a delicate art. As such, I practice it often so my skills never become rusty or sub-par. Rachel's birthday on Saturday night was an evening of many a masterful photobomb:

Bianca and Valencia's Easy Entertaining

me: is it classy, like my alter ego, Valencia?

Rachel: HHAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHA

1:05 PM

My going out name is Bianca. :)

me: HAHHAHAH

i like it

Rachel: Thanks. Sometimes I worry it's a bit of a fat-girl name, but then I think - "no, it's INTERNATIONAL."

Rachel: why are we not famous yet?

1:17 PM You and I should have a cooking show

me: that would be HILARIOUS

"Bianca and Valencia's Easy Entertaining"

Rachel: AMAZING

me: it'd be like a real-life "Absolutely Fabulous"

1:18 PM since, clearly, we'd be toasted on cranberry vodka and mimosas in every episode

Rachel: Duh.

I wonder if they'd let us drink "Bags of Fun" on national television...

me: HAHAHAHA

Rachel: we'd be little proper ladies

drunk ones, but nice enough

me: with faux-english accents

that get more ridiculous the drunker we get

1:19 PM

Rachel: but really bad - like that one time in the bar when you did an accent all night

me: HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

that gay guy REALLY thought i was english all night and was losing his mind

1:20 PM and then back at your apartment, i PHASED OUT the accent

Rachel: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH

me: and everyone was like "I KNEW you weren't english"

Happy Birthday Rachel!

And thank you for THIS! What are you doing giving me the best present EVER on YOUR birthday?!

All I got was this lousy t-shirt

Let me break it down for you folks: My job is pretty important. Today, Larry and I discussed having t-shirts made to commemorate his upcoming ball surgery. Per his request, I'm ordering shirts for the entire edit and art staffs that read, "My boss had surgery on his nut and all I got was this lousy t-shirt."

Clearly, the fate of the company lies on my shoulders.

Underthings

Today, my mom told me a story about how two weeks ago--when she, my dad, and their friends were at the beach house--she forgot to take "underthings" with her to put on after swimming in the indoor pool (and before going out to lunch). This is how the conversation continued:

Sandra D: I didn't know what to do! We didn't have time to drive the 5 seconds back to the house so I could get more "underthings."
me: Haha why are you telling me this?
SD: It was SO funny. I am so funny.
Me: You're going to be such a crazy old lady.
SD: ANYWAY, I went to lunch commando. And I told everyone.
Me: MOM!
Sd: Commando means you don't have on a bra, right?
Me: MOM!
SD: What?! I'm cute and little. I can get away with it.

The Scenario

Me: That Ralphie kid reminded me of a cast member from "The Jersey Shore."

Alice: I kept calling him 'The Scenario' since 'The Situation' is already taken.

Pantaloons and Thousand Island dressing

me: i have something very important for your eyes to behold:

Rachel: Haaaaaaaaaahahahahaha

me: i might purchase it

in leopard, obviously

Rachel: Yesss, leopard is definitely the way to go with those

Maybe top it with the leopard snuggie, just for the winter season, and then don it alone in the summer.

me: hahahahah

Rachel: You'd land yourself on The Sartorialist right quick

me: in what design meeting was someone like, "THAT IS A GREAT IDEA!"

Rachel: "Loving this combo of both a jumper and over-the-top harem pants."

"It's so good, let's make it in leopard AND striped."

"What's that you say? Let's make the stripes in poo brown? GREAT PLAN!"

me: too bad it doesn't have built it socks as well

Rachel: Built in socks? YES. Then it would be a jumper/harem pants/ONESIE.

Brilliant.

me: maybe with an ass flap, for ease

Rachel: Yes. You are brills. We should start a clothing company.

We could use our old fave name:

Meat Stick and Carbs

me: HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAH

Rachel: MSC

me: i just laughed out loud

Rachel: lol. me too.

me: the commercials/ads would be brilliant

2:09 PM some lady, eating some meat sandwich in her jumpsuit onesie

Rachel: yessss. Maybe a large Reuben.

me: REUBEN!i imagine thousand island dressing photographs wellRachel: YES

Rachel: the pinkish creamy color really pops off the page

me: and blends in with her peaches 'n cream complexion

Rachel: Also, she will need to start sitting, but then stand.

To really show off the breadth of the pantlegs.

me: haha

2:11 PM

me: i think the correct term for those might be "pantaloons"

I didn't swear, I quoted

My mom, good ol' Sandra D., has recently discovered facebook chat.

Me: Hi Mom!

Sandy: Is this how I reply?

Me: Haha yes

Sandy: Did you know Eric is going to be a father?

Me: I didn't! Wowza!

Sandy: I think his wife is pretty tough. His facebook status said, "All I want is a massage and my wife just told me, 'Then go to fucking bed.'"

Me: Yikes!

Me: Haha mom, you just swore

Sandy: I didn't swear, I quoted

Sperm

Larry just came out of his office, said "My mom just called to tell me I should freeze my sperm," and then walked away.