MFK, The Office-style

Melissa: Michael Scott, Daryl Philbin, Jim Halpert

Marry F Kill

an obvious one to start

4:03 PM and my only "research" was catching 2 episodes of the tuesday Office marathon

me: marry jim (duh), f michael, kill daryl Melissa: how about... Dwight, Kevin, Creed

me: marry creed hahahah

f dwight

kill kevin

Melissa: marry kevin, f dwight, kill creed

i clearly have no time for work, but i can talk about MFK Office characters

me: priorities

Candy-coated raindrops

Sent at 11:58 AM on Wednesday

Melissa: Do you ever dream of candy coated raindrops?

Triple doggy dare ya

Larry just walked over to me with his coffee mug in hand and a childish grin on his face.

L: I forgot to rinse out my mug last night. If you drink what's left, I'll give you $50.

Me: DONE.

L: No, I can't let you! You'll get sick!

Me: Larry, it's two sips of cold black coffee. It's fine.

L: What? Well, if it's not gross, bet is off.

Me: I lied, it's totally gross. Bet is ON. [I grab the mug and finish the coffee.]

L: Well done... well done... [He hands me his debit card and slowly walks away.]

Congrats Monique

Larry had a minor surgery this morning and just sent me the following e-mail, which legitimately made me laugh out loud:

Hey -- in recovery. All went well. Btw, had a fat black nurse named Monique. Congratulated her on her oscar.

Happy Birthday Chuck Norris!

me: important:

today is chuck norris's bday

Melissa: Wow

me: guess how old he is

just take a wild guess

Melissa: he is ageless

like a god

but if i had to guess? 60?

10:34 AM

me: Chuck norris is.... 70

Melissa: no SHIT

me: 70!!!!!!

10:35 AM Melissa: Good for him! he has a 6 pack

and glorious red thick hair

me: his hair is quite luxurious

Melissa: even his chest hairno wonder he is a legendme: his hair is bouncy tooi wonder what shampoo he uses

Melissa: probably something simple and effortless, like head and shoulders or suave

me: and u know he washes his body with irish spring

Melissa: oh for sure

or ... old spice gel

me: then roundhouse kicks criminals through the shower curtain

he's a bit of a cowboy

and for that, i salute him

Melissa: me too

10:37 AM all hail Chuck!

Postcards from yo momma

Check out the second line of my mom's e-mail below. Evidence that Momma Yeags may have been a toker back in the day??

From: Val

Sent: Monday, March 08, 2010 3:54 PM
To: Yeager, Sandra
Subject: Press trip

Guess who is going to St. Kitts next Friday for FOUR days?!?! This girl!

March 19 - 22, St. Kitts, Marriott

This trip's theme is "Get High in St. Kitts" and it will highlight

high-altitude adventure activities (i.e. volcano hike, ziplining, trip to UNESCO World Heritage site Brimstone Hill) on the island. Of course the trip will also focus on the St. Kitts Marriott, which is the island's largest luxury resort, and all it has to offer (i.e. great amenities, beautiful beaches, fine-dining), and we'll end the trip by working out the kinks at the resort's gorgeous Emerald Mist Spa.

From: Yeager, Sandra
Sent: Tuesday, March 08, 2010 2:24 PM
To: Val
Subject: Re: Press trip

Oh my gosh – It looks beautiful online... and in the 80s! I can’t believe you will be hiking a volcano!

The theme title is pretty funny…

Love,

Mom

One way to pretend every week is Shark Week

The return of Puss in Boots

The first sign of spring: Puss in Boots is back!!! Oh how I've missed her.

Someecard mania

Are you aware that you can now create your own cards on someecards?! Naturally, I set aside a few minutes this afternoon to bring some of these ideas to life. I am beyond excited about this.

Hoagie smellin' salsa

Melissa: jeff dropped all of the tortillas on the floor

we are eating them anyway goddamn it

me: OH i just got a PASSIONATE craving for mexican

thank god burritos with kimmy tomorrow

Melissa: yes thank god!

HAHA we love burritos

jeff has a salsa that makes me crazy - smells like a hoagie

i'm offended by it

me: hoagie salsa?

no thanks

Melissa: hahhaha

me: why eat something that tastes like a hoagie but without the best parts of a hoagie? MEAT AND MAYO

the rest of the stuff can go to hell

Melissa: HAHAHAHAHAHA

Well said

me: u tell Jeff i said that

Melissa: Please blog that as a news bulletinsee, its' science now, b/c its on the web

me: send him the link, and then smash the jar on the floor

"val told me to do that"

Melissa: "val wants u to know your hoagie smellin salsa can go to hell"

me: maybe ill post a pic of myself giving the camera a mean middle finger

"go to hell, hoagie salsa"

Melissa: i appreciate your support on this!

me: that's what friends are for: To rid each other's home's of offensive onion smells

Melissa: that sentence put me at ease

Just go with it

I'm wearing my hair in a high bun with bangs down and have on my glasses today. The look spurred this conversation:

Larry [silently staring at me from across the room]: Val! You look like a librarian with your hair like that and glasses on.

Me: [blank stare]

Larry: Well... I mean, kind of school marmish.

Me: [black stare]

Larry: I mean that as a good thing!

Me: Haha being called a 'school marm' is a good thing?

Larry: Just go with it.

Middle Eastern biotch

me: so whatcha cookin'?

3:31 PM Alice: Chicken tikka masala

I'm sure i'll accidently knock in some stale breadcrumbs and ruin the whole thing

me: haha is that what u made last time?! SO GOODAlice: maybe when I go to India I can score some dudes with my mad cooking skills

me: hahahah yessss

just carry around trays of homeemade tikka masala

Alice: and I'll start spitting out the seven words I know in Hindime: maybe a few spray tans for a middle eastern glow?

Alice: I'll just wear a burka and a face veil. Boom instant middle eastern biotch

MC Skat Kat

I've had SEVERAL conversations in the past few days about MC Skat Kat. Totally normal?