Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Mermaid twins

me: how long are you letting your hair grow?
5:51 PM Melissa: i want him to cut the MINIMUM
i want to have long long ass hair
well, not ass hair
5:53 PM me: hahaha
i want to have MERMAID hair by this summer
let it grow grow grow
5:54 PM
Melissa: we can be mermaid twins
5:55 PM me: we can sit on giant rocks protruding from the ocean and bask in the sunlight and sing glorious songs
and have flounder and crab friends
5:56 PM Melissa: change "friends" to "dinner" and you have a deal
me: AHHAHAHAHAHAH

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

I've said too much

Melissa: did you see the picture of our cats running for their present? that is Christmas morning face on a cat
5:31 PM me: haha no, I must've skipped that one
Melissa: aw
u better not skip my cat birthday pictures!! ;)
5:34 PM me: wait... u threw a birthday party for your cats?
5:37 PMMelissa: i've said too much

Monday, January 11, 2010

Allen Iverson rubber ducky

I like things organized. Larry's office = not so organized. For months, I've been trying to convince him that I should organize it for him so I can get sick joy out of filling a dumpster with his junk and filing documents like a maniac. That day finally came this past Friday. We put on some oldies CDs, had a giant dumpster wheeled into his office, and went to work.

The massive dumpster was filled within an hour of old magazines, books, and other assorted nonsense. Some of the things I found in the depths of Larry's office cabinets and drawers--
  • a giant fake gold chain with a dragon on the end
  • an Allen Iverson rubber ducky
  • a pair of men's shoes that don't belong to Larry. They must have belonged to the previous Editor-in-Chief, who hasn't worked at the company since 2001.
  • a bowling ball with Larry's name etched into it. He claims to have no idea where it came from, but I have a feeling he belongs to a secret bowling league somewhere.
At the end of the day, Larry handed me $45 cash for no apparent reason other than to keep me from telling everyone that he has a drawer filled with framed pictures of Joe Namath, his man crush.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

The ultimate motivator

Melissa: we should skype while we apply for jobs this weekendif you see me eating a burrito scream, "NO! Not 'til you apply!"
me: we should!
HAHA yes no mexican until we get new jobs
that will get us moving even faster
Melissa: omg noooo
11:02 AM me: i'd go into interviews shaking
and snap"GIVE ME THE JOB, GIVE ME THE JOBBBBBB!!!"
Melissa: i needdd mexxxxxx!!!!
11:03 AM me: start hyperventilating mid-interview and talking about nothing but chalupas

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Rice pillow?

me: sorry im being slow! trying to find an article
Julia: no problem-- i'm busy trying to fill my pillow full of rice

Monday, January 4, 2010

12 Days of Christmas

It is truly baffling that my family does this every year at Christmas.

Me and my big ball

First day back to work after a blissful 11 days off. Larry wasted no time reminding me how badly I need to find a new job.

L
arry: Happy New Year! So guess what!

Me: What?

L: I have a cyst on my testicle. [huge grin on face]

Me: Wait, what? I'm sorry to hear that, but please never say 'testicle' to me ever again.

L: Me and my big ball!